Harry

[cuppa_q]

Q had been spending most of his time in the computer lab since it had opened up, really only taking breaks for tea and to feed the cats. As frustrating as the network here was, it felt good to have something to try and take apart, and last night... Well, last night he might have fallen asleep in the lab.

He took a shower at the dome and took the time to find clean clothes, but he still looked a tad rumpled and tired as he finally wandered into the cottage. Beta greeted him promptly, and he nearly tripped over the fluffy beast before stumbling instead right into-

"Oh, good morning Harry," he greeted, smiling warmly and steadying himself. "Apologies, I'm at least one cup of tea shy of being human."

Comments

[lepidopterologist]

"It is a way of forcing us to slow down, I suppose," Harry mused, still idly stroking Q's hair. "Though I can't help but wonder what would happen if we were back home."

[cuppa_q]

"I imagine life would have continued on exactly as it had been," Q said honestly. "Bond would be shagging tarts, you'd be working and avoiding your desires, and I'd be..."

Q trailed off, ashamed, then shrugged. "Well it doesn't matter, because we are here, and everything has changed."

[lepidopterologist]

Harry nodded. "I think... you're probably right. Though I will confess, some things were changing before I arrived here. It was different. I nearly died. Should have died, probably. Eggsy got married. I took over Kingsman. Merlin died..." His voice trailed off. "I was starting to rethink some things."

[cuppa_q]

"Perhaps in a way it was perfect timing for all of us. Kismet," Q suggested, his voice hushed and soft.

[lepidopterologist]

"I liked you the moment I met you," Harry confessed.

[cuppa_q]

"I was quite taken by you as well," Q admitted.

[lepidopterologist]

"You didn't just see me as an older version of Bond?" Harry couldn't stop himself from asking.

[cuppa_q]

"You and James couldn't be more different," Q assured him with a soft laugh.

[lepidopterologist]

"Ah... yes, but when you first met me..." Though the comparison between them brought something to mind, and suddenly Harry laughed. "Do you remember your eavesdropping on Eggsy from my glasses?"

[cuppa_q]

"I do," Q replied, a small smile playing on his lips then. "That seems so long ago now."

[lepidopterologist]

Harry remembered it very well, in part because of how amusing the situation had been. He'd given Eggsy an earful about it later, though. "Eggsy asked me why I couldn't be more like Bond, get laid more."

[cuppa_q]

"You have your own methods, and I'm sure if you wanted to live like Bond, you could have found a way. I don't think that's your style though, Harry," Q said softly.

[lepidopterologist]

"Eggsy also didn't know I was gay," Harry pointed out. Pause. "Well. He may have suspected."

[cuppa_q]

"Given how close it seems you were, it's likely he at least suspected," Q agreed, offering a gentle smile. "I'd also hazard a guess that it wouldn't have bothered him. Should we ever make it back to London, do you think you'll tell him?"

[lepidopterologist]

"... I think so," Harry said, who hadn't really thought about it. "Eggsy is... special. I'd certainly never have gotten as personal with the others as I did with him. I think I wanted him to know he didn't have to turn into me. That he could have more. I, ah - " He hesitated, unsure of saying this aloud, but then relented. "I told him I'd never been in love."

[cuppa_q]

"Is that true?" Q asked, not with judgement or sympathy. More as though he was inviting Harry to continue on.

[lepidopterologist]

Harry was quiet for a long moment and then said, "When I was shot in the head, do you know what the last thing was that passed through my mind? Absolutely nothing." This was how he'd explained it to Eggsy, too. "I had no ties, no bittersweet memories... I was leaving nothing behind. Never experience companionship, never been in love. In that moment I only experienced... loneliness and regret."

[cuppa_q]

Q's face fell then, and for a moment he had no idea what to say.

...Eventually, he said nothing at all, instead catching Harry's face in his hands and leaning in to kiss him soundly.

[lepidopterologist]

Harry kissed him back, feeling a kind of warmth flood him at the reminder of how things had changed. If he were to die tomorrow, he'd feel differently now.

When the kiss broke, he said quietly, "Having something to lose makes life worth living."

He didn't want Q to pity him, he just... wanted him to know how significant this was.

[cuppa_q]

"It does," Q agreed, falling silent for a moment, then deciding to offer up something in return.

"I've only been in love once before- And I was very young and very stupid. I say love, because that's what it felt like in the moment, but looking back I know it wasn't really. He was... Well, it wasn't a good time. Let's leave it at that. ...This is different though. You, James... I don't think I've felt like this before, if I'm honest. I know James has loved before, has been married even, but- I must admit this is very new for me."

[lepidopterologist]

Harry couldn't keep the shock from his expression.

"He was married?"

[cuppa_q]

"Well he's never said as much, but if his files are to believed... It would seem so. I've also seen him in multiple serious relationships since. Before arriving here he'd only very recently ended one," Q said, wondering if he should share this, even with Harry.

"...Am I overstepping sharing that? I don't honestly know."

[lepidopterologist]

"It's fine, I won't mention it, if he wants to tell me... not that James and I have been particularly personal." He hesitated, then confessed, "I suppose I'm just surprised that... I suppose I thought that he was like me." No attachments, no companions, no love. The only difference being that Bond filled the void with meaningless sex, and Harry didn't.

The realization actually made Harry feel somewhat more pathetic.

[cuppa_q]

"You'll find James is full of surprises. ...He also gets bored, it seems. It's why I was hesitant to let him in. I don't want to be discarded- I've been tossed aside enough for one lifetime. I still worry that when we return home he'll abandon me. ...I imagine you'll both return to what you're used to.

[lepidopterologist]

"I can't possibly see myself wanting to discard you," Harry said. "You're what I have to lose, now. Regardless of where we are."